Talking with someone with memory loss or dementia can be many things - challenging, frustrating, or even enjoyable. The person may keep repeating themselves, talking about the past as if it were the present, be unable to find the words they want, have trouble remembering or understanding what you are saying, or be unable to recall what they themselves want to say.
Memory challenges are part of a dementia diagnosis and are not intentional. While you can't control their memory, you can manage your responses to make communication easier for both of you.
Below are some tips to keep in mind when communicating with a person who has dementia.
Keep sentences and questions simple, short and clear. You don’t want to cause confusion or overwhelm the person.
State tasks in the singular and use clear language. Say “Put on your coat” and not “Get your coat and let’s go to the car.”
Ask one question at a time and wait for the response. Don't ask several questions in a row.
When asking questions, limit the response choices.
Ask yes or no questions instead of open-ended questions. For example, ask “Would you like some water?” rather than “What would you like to drink?”
Use statements instead of questions. Instead of asking “Would you like dinner?” say “Let’s have dinner.”
Engage in shorter, more frequent conversations to maintain attention and focus.
Rephrase statements using different words if they seem to be having difficulty understanding you.
Allow extra time for comprehension and for the person to respond. Don’t rush them.
Don't complete their thought when they have trouble remembering a word. Give them a chance to recall it.
Avoid asking them if they “remember” an event, conversation, or person. Don’t remind them that they forgot something as this may only upset them.
Rephrase it as a statement such as “I remember when…”
Avoid arguing, confronting, fact-checking, or questioning them.
Don’t try to use reason or logic. Go with the flow of the conversation.
Agree with them and treat every statement as if it were true, even if it isn't.
Try to redirect the conversation to another topic or distract them with an activity to reduce their anxiety.
Accept the blame when they feel something is wrong or assign the fault to a third-party.
Leave the room to avoid confrontation or if you need to take a break from the conversation.
Limit distractions so that their attention is on you and not what’s going on around them.
Stay present and focused on the conversation; avoid multi-tasking.
Try not to move during conversations.
Limit distractions such as TV or music in the background, children playing, or others talking.
Acknowledge your loved one's feelings and look for non-verbal cues.
Respond to the feelings rather than the words.
Listen and be open to the person’s concerns.
Make eye contact and sit at eye level so they can see you speaking to them.
Don’t speak if you are standing behind them or somewhere they cannot see you.
Use nonverbal cues such as pointing to items or using pictures if your loved one doesn’t seem to understand the words.
Use people’s names instead of relationships when referring to them. Say “Sue” or “Your sister Sue” instead of “Your sister”.
Try your best to be patient, cheerful, respectful, and reassuring.
And lastly, never take it personally and remember that no one is perfect. No matter how hard we try, there will always be times when we lose our patience or accidentally say something we didn’t mean to say. Just like we learn to forgive someone with dementia, we need to forgive ourselves for these slips.
For more resources on dementia care and to see how Mellie can support you as a family caregiver, visit us at Mellie.com.
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